All my friends are pirates...

Changes

2011-02-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

As of late i have come to realise how much i have changed and never ment to. I can't go back to the way I was before, no matter how hard I try. maybe it is just the depression talking but I dunno...

Peaceful Saturday

2010-01-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

So, I get to the ENT on Wednesday and they test the vials to see if they are going to work...and DENIED, they had no reaction whatsoever! So, what do they do? They go ahead and give me shots out of the vials! I have to go back next Wednesday to have new vials tested and start the regimen. If these vials work, they will teach me how to give myself the shots and once I buy my Epipen, they will release the vials to me to take home. Is God trying to teach me to tolerate needles????

I am very proud of me today. I got up, ironed and sewed the last of the quilting squares that I had cut, went for a very cold walk, started my third knitting project for the year, and watched 3 movies with my Mom. Very peaceful, very relaxing. Just what I needed.

If Kim remembers to bring the cutting board, I will be at church all afternoon tomorrow cutting more fabric for my quilt. If he doesn't remember, I will come home and try to catch up on my Tivo recordings....we shall see what happens.

The anxiety has begun....

2010-01-12T02:58:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow afternoon I go to the ENT to start allergy shots and my anxiety level is about to hit the roof. I have a great dislike for needles and now I will have to give myself shots 3 times a week for at least 6 months. Add to that, the vial of shot liquid is $180 and I have no idea how much my portion of the office visit will be, let alone how many of the visits I have to have before they let me just do the shots by myself. I don't know what to do anymore...

And on it goes...

2010-01-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

So, I took my car in for the normal oil change and to have the state inspection done....8 hours and $1,000 later I get my car back with 4 new tires (my old ones were spliting), new battery (the termenals of the old one were so corroded that it wasn't holding a charge), oil changed, state inspection done, fuel and brake system cleaned, tires aligned, and oil leak proved non-existant. Praise the Lord that everything was fixable and that they were able to do it all the same day but it puts me on yet another payment plan. I thought that as long as I tithed, that God wouldn't let me be completely broke! Show how much I know....I am thinking I am going to have to get a night and weekend job just to keep up. YIKES!

God provides

2010-01-05T16:31:00.000-08:00

I got the call today! My hearing aids are in and they asked me to come get them and have them fitted this afternoon. I left work early (thank you God for making my boss giving today) and made it from Bellaire to Spring in an hour (thank you God for little traffic). I have to admit it is a bit strange to have something constantly in my ears without being at a NASCAR truck race or in an airplane, but the doctor said I should get used to it in a few days. My fears that I might get the aids stuck in my ears was unfounded as mine have a little pull stick on them :-) It was awesome to be able to look at the paperwork and not have to read the doctor's lips when she was explaining the proper care and warranties. Only thing I have noticed that bothers me a little is that, to me, I sound like I am in a tunnel or underwater when I talk and feel as though I am yelling at the person I am speaking to. God provides....

Too Early!

2010-01-03T03:39:00.000-08:00

I decided this morning to go ahead and get up with my alarm so to get back in the "work" schedule. Now, after a shower and breakfast, I am at a loss for what to do. Checked e-mail and facebook, read a couple of blogs, and now what? Guess I'll sew until it is time to leave for church....

Feeling good

2010-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Just watched Julie/Julia after reading Jessica's liking it... I think it is fabulous! Funny and thought provoking. While watching I finished the scarf I am making for Debie's wife and it is beautiful. I am waiting for the laundry to finish so I can cut more squares for my quilt. I so adore lazy days like today!

New Year

2010-01-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

I stopped blogging to write in a journal as the topics were a bit too personal, but I am back. For New Year's this year I have decided that my resolutions need to be realistic and something I can do without killing myself over not doing them. So here goes:

1) lose 12 lbs
2) finish a quilt
3) complete 12 knitting projects
4) pay off car loan
5)write a month by month Christmas letter
6) walk 10 mins 3 times a week

I fully believe that I can accomplish every single one of these and from that belief springs the drive to do them. They are not a "to do" list but rather a "goals" list. These are the goals that I have set for myself and no one can reach them for me. Sure they can help...I could call a friend or family member and talk for 10 mins while a walk, making the time go that much faster. A friend/family member could help me cut pieces for my quilt. But I will not rely on anyone else to finish anything for me.

Not to be selfish, but this year is about me. About finding my inner peace, my inner beauty, and just finding who "me " really wants to and could be. The part of me that conforms and does what others ask is still strong but the inner me is getting stronger everyday and I will not let her disappear again.

Thoughts

2008-07-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered if the horizon is really the end of the road? That what you see is really all there is to see?

These days I find myself trying to figure out who I am and who God really wants me to be. For so many years I let myself be held captive by the rules, boundaries, and expectations of others. I thought I found friendship and fellowship through conforming. Then when I needed those friends the most, they acted as if they didn't know me. Granted I have a handful that were there and saw me through to more solid ground. The loss of those freindships hurt to my very soul and I felt like even God had left me. Truth be known, I had walked away from him the moment I started conforming to what people wanted me to be instead of following his divine plan.

Now, slowly, I am learning to trust again...trust God first and trust my friends. I recently reconnected with a friend from high school via email and I cannot put the words together to express how wonderful it feels to be able to tell her anything and confide in her the secrets I have kept. And she does the same...

I have to go now, but I'll post more later...