Feeling Better

Well, another absence on my part, sorry about that. I have been busy with life and haven't gotten around to sitting down to write. I have been feeling better the last week and it has a lot to do with medication and attitude changes I have been making.

I started having a side effect to the Latuda I was on, so I have totally gotten off of it. What a difference! I am no longer sleepy at work, my leg stopped shaking uncontrollably, and I just feel happier. The only down side is that I have had a caffeine withdrawal headache for 3 days. I had been taking caffeine pills to stay awake at work and now that I am not sleepy, I am not taking them. Thus, I have a headache because I don't drink soda or coffee; I just get a little bit from Cranergy. The leg shaking is a symptom of a syndrome that can occur with the medication, gets worse with continued use, and only stops with the end of medication. That is the major reason I wanted off of Latuda. The surprising part to me was the increase in my happiness factor off of the medication. I feel good for the first time in a long time. I smile more, I am reading books and magazines again, and I am no longer looking for the bad in everything. I am enjoying more time spent with friends and family.

The attitude change has been long needed I think. I have been making an effort to be more mindful of the world around me and not putting myself at the center of the world. I have been attempting to be more positive at work and about work. It has made a great difference in how I feel about work. I am no longer dreading work and the office has been a more pleasant environment for me. I get along better with my coworkers. The mean patients don't upset me as easily. I am just doing so much better all around.

I am also getting more sleep since changing from Lunesta to Trazadone. I have been having a hard time with waking up during the night and not being able to fall back asleep while on the Lunesta. Once I switched, I am still waking but going right back to sleep without any trouble. I think because of this I am physically feeling much better.

All together I am feeling and doing so much better than this time two weeks ago. I can't believe I feel this good. I hope it lasts a long time! Well- I have to go now. Talk to all of you later :-)

Missing in Action

Sorry to have been missing in action for a while. Had some things on my mind that I needed to sort out.

Right now, the house is mostly quiet save for Dad's TV and Lindsey running around with her toy trying to convince me  to play with her. I got home late after a doctor appointment and a trip to the pharmacy and boy am I tired. I just want to lay down and read my book. I am currently working on War is Beautiful. It is based on the journal entries of an American ambulance driver in the Spanish Civil War. I just finished a book about General U.S. Grant and Mark Twain. All of a sudden I am on a non-fiction kick with my book choices. Guess I just need more reality in my life, right?

I really don't think anyone reads this but me. That is okay though. It helps me to get things out and deal with them, so it really doesn't matter if anyone reads what I write.

I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I need to change a few things about myself. I just don't know where to start or how to go about some of the changes. It feels like my soul is missing in action right now. What faith I had in God at one time in my life is long gone. Does anyone know where to start on the raod back to faith?